Review of Dream Time by Catherine
‘Three Men in a Boat meets Heart of Darkness’
Mannion, already acclaimed for his perceptive and incisive travel guides, brings his quirky, madcap style to this adventure along the Thames. His intimate knowledge of the local geography, gleaned by walking a philosopher’s dog, is minutely revealed. It would appeal to any who have an inclination to walk the Thames tow path or those who mess about in boats. Successful in his inclusion of guns, Nazis, dogs and cats, it should be a formula for a best seller!
Mental health warning: Prepare to be befuddled by his dreams and uber scientific references.
‘Three Men in a Boat meets Heart of Darkness’
Mannion, already acclaimed for his perceptive and incisive travel guides, brings his quirky, madcap style to this adventure along the Thames. His intimate knowledge of the local geography, gleaned by walking a philosopher’s dog, is minutely revealed. It would appeal to any who have an inclination to walk the Thames tow path or those who mess about in boats. Successful in his inclusion of guns, Nazis, dogs and cats, it should be a formula for a best seller!
Mental health warning: Prepare to be befuddled by his dreams and uber scientific references.
Review of We Call It the Water Planet by John
Traditional
WCITWP is the ultimate ‘Dear John’ letter. A formerly infatuated lover (we used to like watching you) is bidding farewell to a loved one who now calls to mind images of decay and disgust
only rats and cockroaches really appreciate what you have done to the place.
The tone is a touch didactic, as it tells the loved one about its own ancestors and a little confessional as the dolphins admit their part in various epidemics, but towards the end it is wistful as the dolphins hope for the best ending possible for the doomed race. However, this mawkish note is undermined by the unsubtle play on words in the quotation from T S Eliot.
The use of first and second person plural pronouns means that this is both intimate and universal. The use of hyper-links for the ‘scientific’ part of the story could be seen as a bold use of modern technology – or as a throwback to the use footnotes in 1930s science fiction magazines.
Freudian
It has often been said that dancing is the horizontal expression of vertical desire. In this story it is proposed that the human world should dance itself to death. Given the phallic shape of dolphins their role in this process is perfectly clear. The story clearly enacts the link between Thanatos and Eros.
Structuralist
This story maintains and subverts a number of binary opposition: water and earth; simple and complex; civilised and primitive; joy and doom. The first subversion involves the name of the planet earth and reminds the reader that it is an environment that is shared by other creatures. The second pairing compares the simple lifestyle of the dolphins and the complexities of human development; again the expected values are reversed with primitive being preferred to complex. In the comparison between advanced civilisation and animals it is implied that animals, who are still in touch with nature, can somehow manage diseases. However, the final nail in humanity's coffin is produced when humans link rat brains via the internet. The downfall of humanity is therefore hubristic. The final opposition is between dancing and doom and is intended to be a source of humorous contrast.
Marxist
This fable shows that dolphins and various other animals (workers) organised along anarcho-syndicalist lines can use disease vectors (collective action) in their attempts to free themselves from oppression. This process spans human history but eventual success, as predicted in the story, will be as a result of using the tools of late period capitalism against capitalism itself, thus clearing the planet for a truly socialist future.
Page Reviews by Gary
Agnostos’s Page
Madame Fontana: Intriguing opening – or maybe the finished article? Nicely oblique dialogue. What is the hidden meaning? What is the significance of the mysterious book? Curious readers want to know.
Catherine’s Page
Christmas Build Up: Christmas blues for the bah-humbug generation. Everyone will nod their heads and say: ‘I know that feeling’. Each section is well constructed and entertaining, but as everyone these days seems to have the attention span of a goldfish, I’d probably suggest editing it down if you wanted to publish it anywhere else.
Gary’s Page
Utter twaddle. The ramblings of an obviously deranged mind. Ought to be locked up.
Janina’s Page
The Nun's Story: I like a nice catchy title as much as anyone, but three is just greedy! There’s probably an APP these days to find new, quotable bits from the Bible. I’d not heard this one before, but it’s a corker. Beautiful bit of scene setting. Can’t see any mention of guns or nudity yet, but I’m sure they’ll come.
Jasna’s Page
Interesting use of white space.
John’s Page
Great Prologue. Effective bit of wrong footing to hook us. After that it gets progressively weirder and if you hadn’t explained it to us I’m not sure I’d follow it too well. Mark seems to be your main protagonist but he’s not enough of an ‘Everyman’: he takes things too much in his stride for his perceptions to reflect the reader’s need to have things explained to them in a bit more detail.
Steph’s Page
Needs more!
Tim’s Page
Beds and politicians. Can’t go wrong.
Charlotte’s Page
I’m sure it would be wonderful if it existed.
Angela’s Page
See above.
Reviews by Barbara
Catherine
Hello Hellish Nell
Attention-grabbing opening – the reader is caught up and nicely wrong-footed since it is not until the 7th para. that it becomes clear what is actually happening. Nice. I was also intrigued by the last sentence ‘....landed in this world once more’. In one of your posts, you questioned whether you should tuck the explicit decription away. My own thoughts are: you have a cracking opening and a page-turning concluding sentence. The writing is powerful enough and the impact so strong that the scene does not need further detailing. Trust your skill. However it occurs to me: is it your intention to create a tone of gothic shock? Who are you aiming this book at? Keep going – I want to read what happens next!
Agnostos
How Much Would You Like to Invest in a Car?
On this showing, I think your metier could be the short story (which we all know is an extremely difficult form). You suggest a great deal in a very few words. I loved the ‘teeth unnaturally white and even’. It conveys so much about Rupert. Also – the final question that hangs in the air: “They?” Mystery. You have also created a strong setting in a highly condensed way i.e. atmosphere and description of the showroom. So...does short story writing interest you??
Gary
(nb I laughed out loud and thoroughly enjoyed your reviews: you are far too witty damn it!!)
The Wendigo Murders
I chose this because although ‘Halfway to Hell’ is very clever, this is the one, I think, that delivers your own distinctive voice and style. The pungent and dark setting oozes menace. I loved your opening sentence – evocative and memorable. The whole of that first para. is very cinematic: I can hear the voice-over as the camera pans round!! Neat little twist in the final sentence of that para. You handle the dialogue with assurance “He better not be dead old man” and Therese Marie is a force to be reckoned with. I am gripped by this and would definitely buy it. A brief comment on ‘Halfway to Hell’: I’m thinking you could handle experimenting with this genre in a way which keeps the laconic style but enables you to create your own original twist on it.
John
Dream Web
An extraordinary book is taking shape. Prologue enjoyably disorientating with disturbing undercurrents. Final sentence sharply pulls the reader up short except....”Mark still took out my mobile.....” Is this a typo? Slightly confused.
I certainly think this would appeal to the 21st century reader: blogging, web network, hacker etc. I loved the build-ups culminating in some kind of surrealistic scene i.e. American Indians, Nazis etc. The plotting mostly works well and keeps the reader moving forward. The only thing I wasn’t sure about was the dream sequence. A clever idea to become a dog but I found myself disengaging (but that could just be me). I can see the shared dream presumably points forward to further connections later on but maybe the dog angle is a bit complicated? Having said that, I felt quite strange when I had finished reading and the effects of its atmosphere lingered.....
Steph
Peter and the Witch
There is a great immediacy in your writing. Peter wins the lottery and we are immediately taken into his world. His mum in a wheelchair, Annie the next door neighbour – good-hearted but annoying, the champagne in the fridge I think this story and characters will evolve very pleasingly and I personally would choose this one to go with. There are one or two over-explained sections: perhaps at this point you don’t need to lay out all his future plans? However, because it is a work in progress I'm sure you will whittle them down as you go through the drafts. I want to know what the second part will hold!
Tim
Her and Me
Loved it! Great compression. You kept the main fact a secret until the very end but didn’t let the surprise sting-in-the-tail detract from the entertaining build-up.
So..... I’m now really looking forward to reading your dentist and PM story(!)
Traditional
WCITWP is the ultimate ‘Dear John’ letter. A formerly infatuated lover (we used to like watching you) is bidding farewell to a loved one who now calls to mind images of decay and disgust
only rats and cockroaches really appreciate what you have done to the place.
The tone is a touch didactic, as it tells the loved one about its own ancestors and a little confessional as the dolphins admit their part in various epidemics, but towards the end it is wistful as the dolphins hope for the best ending possible for the doomed race. However, this mawkish note is undermined by the unsubtle play on words in the quotation from T S Eliot.
The use of first and second person plural pronouns means that this is both intimate and universal. The use of hyper-links for the ‘scientific’ part of the story could be seen as a bold use of modern technology – or as a throwback to the use footnotes in 1930s science fiction magazines.
Freudian
It has often been said that dancing is the horizontal expression of vertical desire. In this story it is proposed that the human world should dance itself to death. Given the phallic shape of dolphins their role in this process is perfectly clear. The story clearly enacts the link between Thanatos and Eros.
Structuralist
This story maintains and subverts a number of binary opposition: water and earth; simple and complex; civilised and primitive; joy and doom. The first subversion involves the name of the planet earth and reminds the reader that it is an environment that is shared by other creatures. The second pairing compares the simple lifestyle of the dolphins and the complexities of human development; again the expected values are reversed with primitive being preferred to complex. In the comparison between advanced civilisation and animals it is implied that animals, who are still in touch with nature, can somehow manage diseases. However, the final nail in humanity's coffin is produced when humans link rat brains via the internet. The downfall of humanity is therefore hubristic. The final opposition is between dancing and doom and is intended to be a source of humorous contrast.
Marxist
This fable shows that dolphins and various other animals (workers) organised along anarcho-syndicalist lines can use disease vectors (collective action) in their attempts to free themselves from oppression. This process spans human history but eventual success, as predicted in the story, will be as a result of using the tools of late period capitalism against capitalism itself, thus clearing the planet for a truly socialist future.
Page Reviews by Gary
Agnostos’s Page
Madame Fontana: Intriguing opening – or maybe the finished article? Nicely oblique dialogue. What is the hidden meaning? What is the significance of the mysterious book? Curious readers want to know.
Catherine’s Page
Christmas Build Up: Christmas blues for the bah-humbug generation. Everyone will nod their heads and say: ‘I know that feeling’. Each section is well constructed and entertaining, but as everyone these days seems to have the attention span of a goldfish, I’d probably suggest editing it down if you wanted to publish it anywhere else.
Gary’s Page
Utter twaddle. The ramblings of an obviously deranged mind. Ought to be locked up.
Janina’s Page
The Nun's Story: I like a nice catchy title as much as anyone, but three is just greedy! There’s probably an APP these days to find new, quotable bits from the Bible. I’d not heard this one before, but it’s a corker. Beautiful bit of scene setting. Can’t see any mention of guns or nudity yet, but I’m sure they’ll come.
Jasna’s Page
Interesting use of white space.
John’s Page
Great Prologue. Effective bit of wrong footing to hook us. After that it gets progressively weirder and if you hadn’t explained it to us I’m not sure I’d follow it too well. Mark seems to be your main protagonist but he’s not enough of an ‘Everyman’: he takes things too much in his stride for his perceptions to reflect the reader’s need to have things explained to them in a bit more detail.
Steph’s Page
Needs more!
Tim’s Page
Beds and politicians. Can’t go wrong.
Charlotte’s Page
I’m sure it would be wonderful if it existed.
Angela’s Page
See above.
Reviews by Barbara
Catherine
Hello Hellish Nell
Attention-grabbing opening – the reader is caught up and nicely wrong-footed since it is not until the 7th para. that it becomes clear what is actually happening. Nice. I was also intrigued by the last sentence ‘....landed in this world once more’. In one of your posts, you questioned whether you should tuck the explicit decription away. My own thoughts are: you have a cracking opening and a page-turning concluding sentence. The writing is powerful enough and the impact so strong that the scene does not need further detailing. Trust your skill. However it occurs to me: is it your intention to create a tone of gothic shock? Who are you aiming this book at? Keep going – I want to read what happens next!
Agnostos
How Much Would You Like to Invest in a Car?
On this showing, I think your metier could be the short story (which we all know is an extremely difficult form). You suggest a great deal in a very few words. I loved the ‘teeth unnaturally white and even’. It conveys so much about Rupert. Also – the final question that hangs in the air: “They?” Mystery. You have also created a strong setting in a highly condensed way i.e. atmosphere and description of the showroom. So...does short story writing interest you??
Gary
(nb I laughed out loud and thoroughly enjoyed your reviews: you are far too witty damn it!!)
The Wendigo Murders
I chose this because although ‘Halfway to Hell’ is very clever, this is the one, I think, that delivers your own distinctive voice and style. The pungent and dark setting oozes menace. I loved your opening sentence – evocative and memorable. The whole of that first para. is very cinematic: I can hear the voice-over as the camera pans round!! Neat little twist in the final sentence of that para. You handle the dialogue with assurance “He better not be dead old man” and Therese Marie is a force to be reckoned with. I am gripped by this and would definitely buy it. A brief comment on ‘Halfway to Hell’: I’m thinking you could handle experimenting with this genre in a way which keeps the laconic style but enables you to create your own original twist on it.
John
Dream Web
An extraordinary book is taking shape. Prologue enjoyably disorientating with disturbing undercurrents. Final sentence sharply pulls the reader up short except....”Mark still took out my mobile.....” Is this a typo? Slightly confused.
I certainly think this would appeal to the 21st century reader: blogging, web network, hacker etc. I loved the build-ups culminating in some kind of surrealistic scene i.e. American Indians, Nazis etc. The plotting mostly works well and keeps the reader moving forward. The only thing I wasn’t sure about was the dream sequence. A clever idea to become a dog but I found myself disengaging (but that could just be me). I can see the shared dream presumably points forward to further connections later on but maybe the dog angle is a bit complicated? Having said that, I felt quite strange when I had finished reading and the effects of its atmosphere lingered.....
Steph
Peter and the Witch
There is a great immediacy in your writing. Peter wins the lottery and we are immediately taken into his world. His mum in a wheelchair, Annie the next door neighbour – good-hearted but annoying, the champagne in the fridge I think this story and characters will evolve very pleasingly and I personally would choose this one to go with. There are one or two over-explained sections: perhaps at this point you don’t need to lay out all his future plans? However, because it is a work in progress I'm sure you will whittle them down as you go through the drafts. I want to know what the second part will hold!
Tim
Her and Me
Loved it! Great compression. You kept the main fact a secret until the very end but didn’t let the surprise sting-in-the-tail detract from the entertaining build-up.
So..... I’m now really looking forward to reading your dentist and PM story(!)
ooh Barbara! such work! I am glad you like the peter one better, I felt much more comfortable with the subjects! feel wrote more fluidly..noted your saying about too much info.. it is in progress so will revise.. useful, thanks...
ReplyDeleteGary, maybeI hadn't put up both stories when you looked, but for sure not as prolific a yourself!
John... well.. what can I say here..so much work! love reading it!